Back in the kitchen, and getting back to myself six months into motherhood

And a jammy, sugary doughnut loaf cake for the time poor

I don’t really know how to start this post except to say that I am so happy to be back.

I’ve got a hot cup of tea which, at long last, is caffeinated. My baby is napping in her cot at approximately the time I had hoped she would (for so long, a pipe dream - if you’re reading this and that’s you, it’ll come, they just need to be older, annoyingly). There is no sound except the blissful, beautiful sound of silence, and I miraculously remembered my Substack password on the first attempt (right?!).

My 2024 wrapped - I had a baby! She is perfect, and she is such a privilege. Every day I look at her and simply cannot believe she is mine; that I grew her, birthed her, and now get to hang out with her everyday and watch her discover the world around her. The past six months (and indeed, the nine months that came before that) have been, well, a blur. It has truly been the best and hardest time of my life - often simultaneously, and often on the same day.

I want to try and put into words the wild rollercoaster that is parenthood, but given the only things I’ve written in the past year are embarrassingly late birthday cards and shopping lists filled exclusively with products to aid a baby’s digestion, I’m going to give myself a bit of a run up to that. One thing it is important to clarify if that I do not, ever, take for granted that I am immeasurably lucky to have my daughter and to be her mum. I’m not going to say that in every post, but it felt important to say it in this one.

Amazingly, the fog and shell-shock of new parenthood has indeed started to lift just as everyone I asked with slightly manic, sleep-deprived urgency assured me it would, and if I squint, I can just about make out the old me in the distance. The ‘old me’ doesn’t exist anymore, of course - but bits of her do. And I’m excited to catch up with her now that the new normal feels a bit more, well, normal.

Between trying to keep a new human alive and wanting to give her all of my attention, baking, writing and eating took a bit of a back seat in 2024. My mum filled our freezer with meals, and I ate a lot of croissants while pushing the pram for hours and hours around Clissold Park. I’m glad that my daughter was all consuming for her first months of life - it’s what she deserved, and I know I’ll look back so fondly on that little pocket of time that was so decidedly unlike any other in our lives.

But now, six months in, I’m ready to take a bit of ground back. I’m ready to find joy in familiar and new places, and to be more than just Rose’s mum. Being her mum will always be my most important job, but I don’t want it to be my whole identity. I want to show her how important it is for her to do the things she loves - baking and writing have always brought me so much joy, and I’m excited to be back doing both, and this time to share them with her.

And so, a recipe. I’m back in the kitchen tinkering, but this time with a sassy sous chef who’s patience is certainly not infinite. The recipes you’ll find here will be quick (max 15 minutes hands on time), lowfi (using ingredients you already have / can pick up anywhere) but hopefully still special, delicious, and more than worth the effort. Babies are not the only thing that keep us busy, and I hope these recipes will fit into lives of every schedule, style and persuasion.

If you like my recipes and writing, it would mean the world to me if you’d share them. Send to a friend, post your creations on socials, or just send them to me. It never stops being special, and given I took a cool year off posting, the algorithm is certainly not my friend right now.

Jammy, sugary doughnut cake

This cake was born from a craving for doughnuts without the time, equipment or inclination to actually make doughnuts. The texture of this cake has the slightest chew, which - when paired with oozy strawberry jam and a sugared crust - is comforting, familiar and deeply moreish.

60g butter, at room temperature

35g caster sugar, plus extra for sprinkling on top

35g light brown sugar

150g plain flour

1 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp fine salt

1 egg

90g yoghurt

200g jam

Heat your oven to 180C, and grease and line a regular loaf tin with baking paper.

Place the butter and sugars in a large bowl, and cream until pale and fluffy. Add the flour, baking powder, salt, egg and yogurt (all the remaining ingredients bar the jam), and mix until well combined.

Spoon 2/3 of the mixture into the lined tin, then level the surface. Spoon in the jam, and level again. Top with the remaining 1/3 of cake mixture and level, taking care to cover all of the jam with batter.

Sprinkle with 1/2 tbsp of caster sugar, then bake in the centre of the oven for 35-45 minutes. The cake is ready when it is risen, golden, and a skewer or sharp knife inserted gently into the middle of the cake comes out clean.

Allow to cool before serving for clean slices - although it’s totally delicious when the jam is still warm.

My sassy little sous!